What's Your "Apple."

"So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate......"(Gen. 3)

I have been mad at God lately. Yep, mad. Mad and disappointed. The bible says that we are the Bride of Christ. Well, my relationship with God has been one like a marriage where the husband and wife are sleeping under the same roof but in different beds. That happens in a marriage, or any relationship for that matter, when one or both people decide they are not getting their needs met so they distance themselves, take up an unhealthy code of silence and move about their day.... just barely getting by on the little emotion they have left for each other.

I never wanted to be "that Christian girl" who broke up with God (or at least filed for separation) because she did not get what she wanted, but to my dismay, I have become her.... temporarily. I say temporarily because even as I write this God and I have made progress in our relationship, i.e. I have stopped being angry about the things I was not getting. The fire of anger has turned into a slow burn of disappointment (clearly there is still work to be done).

So what does this have to do with Eve being tempted by the "apple" and taking a bite? Eve thought the apple would satisfy. She put her life (and Adam's and the whole world's) on the line to go after what she thought God was withholding from her - and it ended in disaster. She put her hope, joy, satisfaction and fulfillment in something other than God, and the thing she desired now became the thing that mastered her.

We all have "apples" in our lives - Eve already had the husband, something most single women may see as their "apple," but that was not enough. Now she wanted wisdom, she wanted control. The problem is that when we get what we want, it is never enough. There is always another "want" lingering around the corner to take the previous ones place.

So Eve ate. She gave into the temptation that the "apple" would bring her life, and it didn't.

Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of good, great, awesome gifts that God wants us to have and they will be life giving and amazing! We just need to have them on God's terms and not crave them more than we desire Him.

What is your "Apple?" The thing that have you desired so badly because you bought into the temptation that it would satisfy... that it would solve all of your problems.... that it would make you whole and complete?

Perhaps you have already taken a "bite."

The "thing" that looked shiny, delightful, delectable, "harmless," it tempted you, drew you in... you took a "bite" and now it has overtaken you leaving you dazed and confused, destroyed, destitute, with an insatiable craving and longing for more...... because while you thought it would satisfy it didn't.

Or maybe you are still staring at your "apple,".... gazing at it intently because you want it so bad.... it consumes your thoughts and you think, "If I could just have that my life would be so much better."

The "Apple" never fully satisfies. Jesus does. I have experienced this numerous times. My head still knows that truth and my heart is finding its way back.

What is your "Apple?" Will you let go of it and surrender it (perhaps for the hundredth time) to God, breaking your code of silence with Him..... and invite Him back in?

Timing Is Everything

In the past few weeks I am being reminded that feeling "alive" really happens outside of my comfort zone.  When I get too comfortable, life seems to feel one dimensional and "status quo,"  I am not a "status quo" kind of girl.

I have been on this quest to shake things up a bit in my life - Don't get me wrong - my life is great!  I was just feeling like I needed a hobby!  Sooooo, in addition to taking guitar lessons at the end of June ( I will let you know how that goes) I decided to take trapeze lessons, go zip lining and hand gliding in the next few months.  Yes - when I decide something I go all out!

Today I did trapeze lessons.  IT WAS A BLAST!  With a few minor "upsets."  That is where the "timing is everything" comes into play.  The last thing the instructors taught us was the "catch and release" move.  Essentially, when you release your hands from the bar, you arch your back and reach for the instructors hands, release your legs, dangle for a while and release and fall into the net.  TIMING ON THIS MOVE IS EVERYTHING (for both parties) and to my dismay I missed the timing, TWICE!  Grrrrrr.  After the class was over I managed to successfully run through the move again and again in my head and spin my thoughts around, "what did I do wrong?  Why did I fail at that when everyone else got it?  I suck!"  Great self-talk, huh?

As I went for a run a short while later (and while continuing to play the wonderful "you suck" tapes in my head), what the instructors said (Timing is everything) really hit me.

It caused me to think about other areas of my life where when the "timing" seems off, doubt and dismay creep in.  Especially as it relates to well, uggghhhh, a spouse..... and to some other desires in life.  The timing (waiting) on things can sometimes really stink - wondering, why?  Did I miss something?  Did I do something wrong?  What is UP with the timing?

I want to believe that timing is everything and to commit my trust in God .....that He knows the timing of all things - He knows what He is doing - that His timing is perfect.  But, admittedly, it is really tough sometimes.

So trapeze lessons turned out to be more than learning to fly through the air.  It's learning how to "catch" God's timing and "release" mine.